Deeper Still Pt. 2

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until You and I are one.

I've heard this chorus before.  Plenty of times.  It's a good song.  

Upon hearing it once last week, something came to mind:

That this was why God was doing deeper.  

For so long, longer than I can care to remember, but more so since I've been here as staff, I have prayed that God would just go deeper.  I've been wanting to go deeper with God, deeper in myself and deeper with others.  It's something I've been praying and praying and praying but nothing ever came of it.  Things always seemed to stay comfortable on the surface.  I get to that familiar place and then I stop digging.  Not this time.  

Those prayers are being answered.

This is why God is going deeper.

I asked Him to.

And even though it hurts a lot more than I thought it would, this is why God is going deeper and this is what this song has to do with it:

In order for a flame to be a flame, it needs oxygen, it needs air.  Without that air, it can't breathe, it can't grow, it can't be a flame.  So if there is a fire inside of me, a flame upon my heart, that flame needs to be breathed on.  But no air can get through with so many walls around it.  Going deeper, for me, is about breaking through these walls that have stopped me from going deeper in the past, stopped me from being free to be me, stopped me from finding and knowing and experiencing the joy that I've always seemed to have that couldn't be explained.

This is why God is going deeper.

To breathe on this flame.  

That is neat.

  

I Just Am

Be at rest once more, O my soul

for the Lord has been good to you.

Psalm 116:7

DTS GATHERING - COVENTRY, ENGLAND

What's a DTS Gathering, you ask?  Well, this was a literal gathering of over 150 DTS trainees and staff from across the UK and even from Italy, for a week of teaching and practicing evangelism.  There is a team based here at Harpenden called the Forever team which has been planning these gatherings over the last 2 years to take place at all of the different Olympic host cities.  Coventry is one of those.  There are several reasons for these gatherings - it gives the DTS trainees the opportunity to be put into a new setting and given the opportunity to put into practice what they have learned throughout the course of the DTS.  It is also simply to bless these cities and see the potential for more.

This is what remains of St. Michael's Cathedral which was bombed during the 2nd World War.

It was a week of sleeping on church floors (the girls were lucky, we had carpet), limited showering (I personally didn't shower for 8 days...), lots of new faces, being challenged in my thinking and my doing, and letting God love me then pouring that love out to others in new ways.

While I may not have incredible stories of the major impact I may or may not have left on someone's life (that might still remain to be seen), I have an incredible story of what God did in my life this week.  

The teachings were incredible and so live giving.  There was a lot of worship and prayer involved as well, which is always great.  I would say my view of evangelism has changed quite a bit.  I have always hated that word - evangelism - never a word I liked to use or even think about.  But when you look at evangelism as simply loving people and showing that you have found purpose in this life and they can too, it changes things.  We are called to love others and God has given us creativity to create new and different and meaningful ways of loving people.  Whether through going up and asking them if they want prayer to inviting people to come play football in the park to standing outside with a piece of cardboard declaring who you are and so much more.  

God has done a lot in me.  Each day I see more and more the hand that God has played in every aspect of my life from where I have lived, the people I have been surrounded by, the words God has spoken over me.  Everything.  God's timing is perfect and each place I go prepares me for the next.  I am continuing to see more of who God is and how I can live in the confidence and love that comes from Him.  I don't need to perform in order to be loved by this incredible God.  I just am.  This is the hope I have.

It has all led me to this place.

The last night of the Gathering we were having a celebration night full of worship, testimonies and declarations.  It was during this time that everything that had happened over the last 2 weeks collided in my head and it finally all moved to my heart.  I had a moment when I was almost in tears looking around at everyone in the room telling of who God is to them and surrendering all they are to Him and I was filled with so much love for God and for all these incredible people.  And it was in this moment that I think I discovered something:

God has brought me here to this place and I'm going to be here for a while.  I finally feel that this is where I'm supposed to be right now and this is what I'm meant to do with my life and I'm here to stay until God tells me to go somewhere else.  This is a big statement for me to make.  I never thought, in my wildest dreams, that my life could take me to this place.  I have learned so much in these last months here as staff and I have grown in areas that I never thought I would or even could grow in and it's all so new and challenging and exciting and good.  So good.  I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me.  I know it's gonna be good and far greater than I can imagine.  

This makes me smile.

     

Blessed To Be A Blessing

BLESSING WEEK - WREXHAM, WALES

This was my team that I had the opportunity to co-lead with one other staff member, Kyle.  This picture was taken on top of quite the large hill overlooking the Welsh town of Llangollen (Try pronouncing that one, it's not what you might think.)  It was our day off so we decided to head out to this little town and do some exploring.  At the top of this hill were castle ruins which we climbed all over.  It was lots of fun and it had such a beautiful view.

So this week was a chance for us as a DTS to split up to 9 different teams and go to different YWAM bases across the UK to bless those bases.  So I went to Wrexham in Wales.  After a long bus ride, we made it to this little city and walked to a house which was filled with only 4 staff and 2 DTS trainees - a bit of a drastic change from here at Harpenden, but a refreshing change.

We were able to join with them in a lot of things they were going to their lectures on the Holy Spirit, work duties, and other ministries they take part in.  It was such a great change of pace.  I was challenged and encouraged in so many areas of leadership which began showing me more of capabilities that I possess whether I believe it all the time or not.  I feel I was able to really step up and step out in this role I've been placed in and see that I can, in fact, do this.  

This was definitely a week of really letting God speak to me so much about who I am and who He has created me to be.  When you are open to what God has to say, whether to you or through you to someone else, it opens up your heart to so much more of who God is and who you are and what you can do and who you can be.  At least it did for me this week.  I was able to see more that I have such a huge capacity to love (along with a few other things) and that is something I really want to do no matter what it looks like - just love.

Although my foot had a little run in with a nail, the week was a complete success and we were most definitely blessed to be a blessing.

  

Words For Today Pt. 4

Mountains on the Ocean Floor
Andrew Peterson

.....
Nothing ever seems to change
But miles away beneath the waves

There are mountains
Mountains on the ocean floor
They're rising from the deep
But no one ever sees
No one ever sees

I can't believe I landed there
I swear I swore it off
I know that I can't stand it here
Still I came and took a fall

I wish that I could shake it
I wish that I was free
I wish that I was half the man
I wish that I could be

There are mountains
Mountains on the ocean floor
They're moving up so slow
No one ever knows
No one ever knows

Nothing ever seems to change
But miles beneath the waves
Down below the dirt
Hotter than a flame
In the belly of the earth
He has given you a Name

There are mountains
Mountains on the ocean floor
They're rising from the deep
Where no one ever sees

There are mountains
They're hidden there beneath the waves
They're moving up so slow
No one ever knows

There's a molten heart of stone
That is waiting to explode
Only God can see it grow.