"The only thing suitably quenching is the nearness of God."
~Praise Habit - David Crowder
I'm starting to very much dislike my job. It stresses me out. All the time. And I never used to get that stressed out to the point of wanting to cry. Seriously, it's been pretty bad lately. The holiday season has officially started and so has the craziness. And that craziness will last for the next 2 months. The early mornings (as in 5am), and the long hours take a lot out of me. It's just not somewhere that I want to be. This isn't where I want to be, this isn't where I want to live my life. I don't want this place to be my Here. Let me explain:
I noticed something this past week. Most of the people I know are in the place where they are going to live their lives. They have a job, they're going to school for a specific thing, they have a significant other, they have all their family and all their friends, they have a purpose - Here. This 'Here' is where their whole lives are. Now I know that all of that can quickly change (as in my case) but I'm just saying, that is something that I have noticed with the majority of people around me right now. It's not a bad thing at all. In fact, it's something that most days, I wish I had for myself. But I don't anymore. I used to, but that all changed real quick. And that has definitely been the most difficult thing that has happened to me. Now, I have no Here. Most days, that's pretty upsetting. But there are times when I can smile about that. I can do whatever I want. I can go wherever I want to...like England, for example. I know that someday, someday I'll find my here. Now is just the journey to find that.
Bless our God, O peoples!
Give him a thunderous welcome!
Didn't he set us on the road to life?
Didn't he keep us out of the ditch?
He trained us first,
passed us like silver through refining fires,
Brought us into hardscrabble country,
pushed us to our very limit,
Road-tested us inside and out,
took us to hell and back;
Finally he brought us to this well-watered place.
~Psalm 66:8-12 (The Message)
I really like how the NIV finishes off this passage:
...but You brought us to a place of abundance.
I can't wait for that abundance. Seriously. In that abundance, I'll get to do something I've missed so much:
Dance. Dance until we can see your soul.
~Praise Habit - David Crowder
But I think before I can find my Here, there is a lot to be learned. I want to learn more about God. I want to learn more about who I am and who God created me to be. I want to learn how to love God and loves others and love myself. I'm anxious and excited to learn.
