Change

You know those moments when you realize that everything is about to change?

This is one of those moments.

It's so crazy to be in the in between stage of the life that I have been living for the last 9 months and the life that is about to happen.

So much has happened over these last 9 months that I've been here on the Oval at YWAM Harpenden: eating countless frozen grapes, walks to Sainsburys and through Rothamsted Park, roommate bonding time, going to the pub, frisbee games, meals in BBHall, quality time spent in the lounge, worship times, walks in the woods, runs down the Nickey Line, playing in the snow, getting to know so many people from so many different places, community meetings, lots of other meetings, throwing paint, going on outreach, teachings about God, evangelism, learning more about who I am and what I'm gifted in, setting up and taking down lots of tents and big marquees...the list goes on.

It's finally hitting me that it's almost over.  In just over a week, the IMPACT UK DTS will come to an end and I'll have to say the hardest goodbyes I've ever had to say.  It's a bit emotional going through something like this.  When you are going through it, time seems to go pretty slow, but when you come to the end of things, you realize how quickly it all passed.  I have had some incredible experiences and challenges throughout this whole time that has led to a lot of growth in my life.  I was asked this question earlier this week that really got me thinking - what have I learned?  Well, I've learned a lot of things.  I've learned more about how to pray, to hear God's voice even more, to worship, to lead, to love, to be loved, to sing, to obey, to be.  I know those are pretty general things but they encompass quite a lot.  I know that this experience is something I will continue to learn from a long time from now.

So what's this next thing that's happening?  Well, I'm going on another crazy adventure.  

I'm going to be staffing another DTS this September - on a ship called The Next Wave.  Yes.

I know that this is really where God wants me to be and what He wants me to be doing.  When I was there visiting this past April (see previous post here) I loved it.  It was when I was on the ship one night as I was going to sleep that I felt that God said 2 big things to me - "I want you to dream".  Then He asked me the simple question - "Why not staff the September school?"  When posed with this question, I assumed it would be for the school in Harpenden.  However, a little over a week later, I was asked to pray about and consider staffing the DTS on the Next Wave in September.  So I prayed about it, and really did feel that it was what God wanted me to do.  So I said yes.  And here I am, just over a month away from packing up my life here in Harpenden and moving it to a ship.  Who does this?

When deciding to do this, I wanted to be sure that I was going for the right reasons.  I didn't want to go just to go because it would be fun and a cool experience but I want to go with a purpose, I want to be able to bring something with me.  So I did the simple thing and asked God what I could bring.  So this is what I want to bring - I want to be a part of helping people see more of who they are and the possibilities that are open to them.  I want to help them step into that by creating and encouraging this place for them to do that.  I feel that that is a journey that I've been on and am still on of being who God has created me to me.  I think it's so important to have people alongside you doing just that - challenging and encouraging you to see passed the right now and to see these possibilities of who God created us to be and hope for that.  I feel like this is also something that I will myself be challenged by and I'm really excited about it.

I also feel that another thing that I can bring to this is worship.  One Sunday morning this past summer I was leading worship at a church and I felt something shift in my voice.  Something in it changed.  It's hard to explain but as I was singing, I realized that something was different, something was working better than it ever had.  That was definitely God.  There was a moment during one of the worship times here that I had a quick passing thought that maybe I could bring worship to the boat and later I had a bit of a revelation about it (as you can read here).  I realized that not only can I bring worship through the music itself, but also just in the way I live my life.

It's scary and it's a huge change and a huge risk but I know that it is going to be such an incredible time.   I have had such amazing experiences and I know that I have learned and grown in so many ways and have developed such incredible relationships with incredible people.  It's going to be sad to finish this but I'm excited for what's to come.

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philipians 1:6

   

Our Melodies

You know those songs that when you hear it, it evokes a certain emotion that the moment you hear it, you are reminded of that certain something?  Like with so many songs that are tied to certain people, places, experiences, memories, emotions, struggles, victories...you can't help but be taken back to that emotion.  I have several at the moment.  One being "Take Heart":

From the very first seconds of the melody of this song, I am completely overwhelmed by such a loving and calming and at rest feeling.  It's hard to describe.  It's not just because of the words of the songs - yes they are really great and mean so much, but there are also memories tied with this song that add to that emotion.  

So these songs, these melodies, they mean something to us and make us feel something special.

What if it's the same with God?

What if our song evoked that same emotion, that same feeling in God?

What if our song gave God that same experience?

What if that was what our worship to God was?

The song, the melody we bring to God, the lives we live, the way we laugh, the way we run, the way we enjoy life, the way be play, the way we sing, even the way we struggle; each has that place in God's heart and reminds Him of something in us that He created.

I can live my life knowing that I am loved.  Everyday I can say that, even on my darkest, ugliest days - I am loved and have done nothing to earn or deserve it. When Jesus was baptized, God said, "This is my son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased."  God said this before Jesus even began any of His ministry, before He did anything.  He just was.  

So how does this relate to worship?  I can worship, sing, dance, live...knowing that God delights in my singing, He delights in me.  There is a really great message from Jonathan David Helser called 'Worship Echos" which he begins by saying "Worship is giving back to God what He first gave to us." He gave you a voice, He gave you movement, he gave you a song to sing and He delights in you when you give that back to Him.  He delights when you sing Him your song.  Our worship can come from a place of wanting to bring delight to the Father.  It starts with knowing - I know that my song delights the Lord.  I have done nothing to earn or deserve it and I don't need to strive to perform in order to make God happy.  I just need to be and He delights in that and it is out of being that I can do.

What you have revelation of, you are responsible for.  

   

Free Prayer

Fun fact: The 2012 Olympics were in London this year.  And that's where I was! So crazy. For a week, I was in London with half of the DTS working with a church in East London which was just a 30 minute walk away from the Olympic Stadium in Stratford.  It's pretty crazy to go from watching the opening ceremonies (LIVE I might add) one night to walking right next to it the next.  (Seeing the US Olympic athletics team was pretty sweet too.)  But it was so great to be working with this church as they were running a cafe which had the Olympics up on a big screen open to the community.  So we went out inviting people and just simply talking to people.  We also had the chance to go into Stratford a few times to talk to and pray for people.  That was quite the experience as there were a lot of other religions and beliefs right on the doorstep as well.

I'll share just one quick story from that experience - When we first got there to Stratford, I felt that God wanted me to hold up a sign that said 'Free Prayer'.  So I held it up, which took a lot of courage in me, I was definitely nervous about it.  After 2 difficult rejections, I held it up for the 3rd time and almost immediately a man walked over who was actually passing out flyers for Islam.  He then went on to telling us exactly what the Gospel message was to us.  He told us that he knows the Gospel, he knows God, he studied to be a pastor, but everything was taken away from him.  (This is the very short version, we were talking to him for over an hour).  Just 2 days before we talked to him, he turned his back on God.  So we got to pray for him and encourage him that God still loves him and wants him back.  Again, there's a lot more to it but it was just in simple obedience that God was able to use us to help lead this man back to God.

Working with the cafe was so great as well.  It was so cool to see it grow throughout the week from just a couple people to having so many kids and parents and others coming and enjoying being there.  It would not have been the success that it was without us being there to help bring people in.  The church is hoping to open up a permanent cafe at the church and these weeks opened up the door for them to do that.  There are so many stories of how we were able to love and be a blessing to the people in the community.

It was such an incredible week and I was sad to leave.  The people at this church were amazing and they had such a heart for community and family which is something that I really love and was so encouraging to see.  It was so great and I felt that my heart was in the right place to be doing what we were doing.  I was striving to perform for perfection but I had that desire to simply see and know this love that changes hearts and I saw it.