One Year.

One year ago, I hopped on a plane in San Francisco with a one way ticket to England.

What a year it’s been.

One year ago, I never thought that in one year’s time, I would have gone to 19 cities in 4 different countries.  

I never thought that in one year’s time I would be doing things I never thought I would or could or even imagine doing.

One year ago, I never thought that in one year’s time I would be sailing a ship into Liverpool.

That happened today.  

I thought a lot about that today as I was on the helm of the ship steering it between buoys through the channel.  Where was I this exact time last year?  I was starting a crazy new adventure with God. A lot happens in a year. 

I have learned so much about myself, so much about God, did outreach during the Olympics, created a number of lasting and incredible friendships, travelled a lot and so much more.  It would take me a really long time to go through everything from this last year.  It has been so incredible.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE YEAR (in no particular order and not an all encompassing list)

~ Room 108 - It’s hard to put into words how much Room 108 has meant to me this last year.  This is where Sidney and I lived together for a total of about 6 months.  I could write a ridiculous number of blog posts each recounting something special from Room 108 but to sum it up - BANANA.

~ Guy on a Buffalo - Search for it on YouTube

~ Snow - It snowed in February on the Oval.  This night was comprised of the back and forth of a dance party and playing in the snow.  There’s just something so great about staying up until 1AM playing in the snow with awesome people then getting up at 7AM to go for a morning walk in the woods.  It was quite possibly the best weekend ever. 

~ Next Wave in April - I had a week off so I came to the Next Wave while it was docked in Liverpool.  I spent a lot of hours sitting and reading and enjoying much needed off time.  Going to Scotland happened there as well. It was also the week that the idea was sparked for me to come back to the ship.  Lesson from this - be careful where you take your vacations...

~ Baking with Jade - enough said.

~ Breakfast and a Burn’s night - Early one Saturday morning, a small group of us grabbed some food and got on a train then walked an hour to an abandoned castle to have breakfast.  Then that night, we got all dressed up and went to a Burn’s night consisting of Haggis being paraded around the room and old folks dancing until well past 11PM.

~ IMPACT UK DTS - The first 8 months of 2012 was this DTS.  So many great people, so many memories, so many places.  So good.

~ Wales - I co-led an outreach team of 5 to another YWAM base in Wrexham, Wales and it was such a spectacular week.

~ Wales (again) - As a whole IMPACT UK DTS, we went to Cardiff for a week of outreach together.  We put up lots of tents and walked in some very deep mud.  We did more than just that...

~ Bible reading - 2012 was started off with the entire Oval community reading through the Bible out loud.  Many early morning hours were spent in the board room on the very top floor of the clock building getting tongue tied reading 1 and 2 Chronicles out loud.  You try that.

~ Nickey Line - My most favourite place.  Period.

~ Christmas - The 6 of us made that day a great holiday away from home.  We cooked, we made stockings, we blew bubbles, we watched A Muppet Christmas Carol.  It was good.

~ Wales (again) - Catherine and I took a trip up to Wales to her family's cottage.  We climbed a mountain.  And made flapjacks.  And found the co-op...

~ Next Wave - I moved to a ship in September.  Since being on this ship, life hasn't stopped.  I've sailed 4 times, only getting seasick once (woo hoo!).  It is definitely a new place with new people but I have seen God do so much in the time I've been here and I have learned so many new things, not just how to sail but more of how to lead.  

~ Sunset - I saw the most beautiful sunset on our sail to Cardiff.  I don't know if anything can beat that.

I know that this is just a very short list for a very long and full and exciting year and I have left out so many things and I'm sure once I post this I will remember even more from this year but this will suffice for now.  

A lot has happened in this last year.  I wonder what will come in the next.

   

Called Me Higher

All Sons And Daughters - Called Me Higher

I could just sit

I could just sit and wait for all Your goodness

Hope to feel Your presence

And I could just stay

I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You

Hope to feel something again.

And I could hold on

I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside

And I could be safe

I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home

Never let these walls down

But You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where You will lead me Lord

You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where You lead me Lord

Where You lead me

Where You lead me Lord

And I will be Yours

I will be Yours for all my life

So let Your mercy light the path before me

It's been quite the adjustment living here on a ship with all these new faces.  Some days I just don't understand it.  Correction - MOST days I don't understand it.  God's plans are so much more than I could ever think.  This exact time last year, I was seconds away from deciding to not even come back to England.  If you were to tell me then that a year later I would be living on a ship staffing my second DTS, I would say - 'Yeah, ok sure.  Not gonna happen."  But it did.  Here I am.

God is calling me higher.

The other night I was attempting to practice for leading worship the next morning but I happened to write a song instead which simply stated - 'You're calling me forth.  You're calling me out.'  Then I come across this song "Called me Higher" which states the same thing and with even more meaning to me.  This song has been on repeat all day long.  It's on my list of songs I want to learn to play.

So what does this mean?  What does it me for God to be calling my higher?  To be calling me forth?  To be calling me out?  At the moment, it means that I don't need to run and hide behind anyone anymore.  This is my time to truly take everything that I've learned from my time in YWAM and even before and really live it out to the fullest and not be afraid.  It's about letting down these walls that I've always built up to protect myself.  I can truly be who God has created me to be.

God is calling me higher.

You turned my wailing into dancing;

You removed my sackcloth

and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you

and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever.

~ Psalm 30:11-12

   

What I Do Doesn't Make Sense

“I’m not out to make sense of everything.  But I want sense enough to fall back on You.”

~ Simon Hoskyn

Week 1 - What a week it’s been

Sunday

~ 5 minute car ride from the Oval to the train station

~ 30 minute train ride from Harpenden to London

~ 10 minute Underground Tube ride

~ 10 minute walk to the coach station

~ 2 hour bus ride from London to Southampton

~ 20 minute walk to the ferry terminal

~ 1 hour ferry ride from Southampton to Cowes, Isle of Wight

~ 20 minute walk to The Next Wave (a.k.a - my new home)

Monday - Friday

This past week I’ve been taking part of a training course which included basic first aid, sea survival, firefighting and social responsibility.  

All suited up

These 5 days were packed full of learning so many new things in theory and then practically doing them.  I jumped into the sea with a dry suit on learning how to maneuver around, pull people with me, flip over a life raft and get into one and a few other things as well.  I also got to go into a dark container learning to use the breathing apparatus, searching in the dark with team, putting out fires with hoses and extinguishers, and saving a casualty.  Because of this training, I now notice where all the fire extinguishers and fire escapes are on board the ship.  So that's good.

Saturday

Open Boat

Once a week the ship opens up to the public and people can come and get a free tour around the ship.  This is an easy way of showing people what we actually do here on the ship.  There were so many that came for the afternoon.  I got to give my first tour of the ship even though I’ve only been here for a week.  

Sunday

I woke up to find that we were no longer connected to the dock but we were out to sea.  The wind and rain was coming in so it was decided in the middle of the night for us to go somewhere else to get away from the dock and not destroy the ship.  So with this came my first anchor watch.  My job for an hour and a half was to sit in the wheel house watching the navigation system and radar.  We moved quite a bit, lots of figure eights through the water.  The wind and rain and current of the water was pretty heavy so the ship was rocking in every direction which meant that I definitely got my first little taste of feeling a bit ill at sea.  After spending the day at anchor, we brought the ship back in to another dock.  My job was to jump off and attach the lines to the dock in the wind and rain.  

Quite the day.

Sometimes I just can’t help but think that what I do just doesn’t make sense.

When I was doing the training course, almost everyone was there in hopes of furthering their chances at finding a job.  Some on pleasure yachts, some on cruise ships.  So when asked what I was doing, it was completely different than everyone else there.  It just doesn’t make sense in the world’s eyes.  I realized that I ALREADY HAVE THE JOB.  My job - loving God and loving others, helping people be the best they can be, staffing this DTS, working on the ship, living life to the fullest, serving in any way I can, being a blessing to others.  I can be confident in the fact that God has brought me to this place and this is where He wants me to be and what He wants me to be doing.

MY JOB IS TO BE JESUS TO PEOPLE.

The DTS starts next week.  That came up quick.  We already have a few DTS students with us on board already so in a sense, it’s already begun.  The rest of the students will be getting here this coming weekend.  

   
So it begins...again....

    

Attainable.

The blank canvas stares me in the face.

So many possibilities, so much potential.  Where does it even begin?

It begins with an idea.

Now I'm no scientist and I don't know how the brain works.  But somewhere in this constant flow of neurons and other electric currents which send signals to my legs to make them walk, my arms to make them embrace, my heart to make it beat, the smallest of charges makes its way to a certain part of my brain which sparks an idea.  Here it begins to grow and take shape into something.

SOMETHING.

Something new, something different, something uniquely designed, something original. 

Something attainable.

It is this something which awakens the desire to transform this seemingly unattainable possibility into a tangible reality.

The blank canvas stares me in the face.

I've never been a big dreamer.  Sure, I've had an imagination where I would conjure up stories and songs and scenarios of something outside myself.  But somewhere, my imagination became just that - imaginary.  Not real, not possible, non-existent.  So why begin to dream?  Why put myself through the joy and excitement of these dreams only to be disappointed by the realization that it would never happen?

The blank canvas stares me in the face.

But finally, once again, this long, lost neuron charges its way from the cells in my brain to the depths of my heart then back to that one place which sparks this idea, this imagination, this dream, this desire.  The possibilities of what could be, go rushing through my head.

This time.  This time it's different.

This time.  This time there is hope in these possibilities.

A hope which tells me that this awakened desire of what could be, can be and will be.

    

It Starts Soon!

Words For Today Pt. 5

Every time you venture out in your life of faith, you will find something in your circumstances that, from a commonsense standpoint, will flatly contradict your faith.  But common sense is not faith and faith is not common sense.

Can you venture out with courage on the words of Jesus Christ, while the realities of your common sense life continue to shout, 'it's all a lie?'

Every time my theology becomes clear to my own mind, I encounter something that contradicts it.

Faith must be tested, because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict.

The ultimate thing is confidence in Jesus. 'We have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence to the end.' (Hebrews 3:14).  Believe steadfastly on Him and everything that challenges you will strengthen your faith.

~ Oswald Chambers - My Utmost For His Highest

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the TESTING OF YOUR FAITH develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

~ James 1:2-4

3 Countries - 1 Week

Here's the scenario...

DTS has graduated.
Trainees have gone home.
Staff debrief has finished.
A lot of staff have gone home.
There's a couple weeks before life gets crazy again.
Need to get off the Oval for a bit.
What to do?

How's about go to Wales, the southeast coast of England and France?
All 3 in one week?
OK.

I had the amazing opportunity to go with a friend to her family's cottage in the north of Wales for a few days to get off the Oval for a bit and just relax and spend some quality time together.

We decided to go for a walk through lots of fields.  It was a bit muddy.

Sticking to the footpath

We decided to climb this mountain.  We could not have picked a more perfect day to do it.

From the top

Lunge

Another walk along the hills

We make good treats.

Then I got to go with another friend to the southeast coast of England to spend a couple days there by the sea.
We decided it would be fun to go see the famous White Cliffs of Dover since it was so close.
So we did.

Then we decided to hop on a ferry and go to France for a couple hours to walk around and eat crepes and baguettes. 

As you do.

From the water we had such a great view of the cliffs.

So from the top of a mountain in North Wales to the sea at the south of England and across over to France - I would say that's a pretty good week.

   

Change

You know those moments when you realize that everything is about to change?

This is one of those moments.

It's so crazy to be in the in between stage of the life that I have been living for the last 9 months and the life that is about to happen.

So much has happened over these last 9 months that I've been here on the Oval at YWAM Harpenden: eating countless frozen grapes, walks to Sainsburys and through Rothamsted Park, roommate bonding time, going to the pub, frisbee games, meals in BBHall, quality time spent in the lounge, worship times, walks in the woods, runs down the Nickey Line, playing in the snow, getting to know so many people from so many different places, community meetings, lots of other meetings, throwing paint, going on outreach, teachings about God, evangelism, learning more about who I am and what I'm gifted in, setting up and taking down lots of tents and big marquees...the list goes on.

It's finally hitting me that it's almost over.  In just over a week, the IMPACT UK DTS will come to an end and I'll have to say the hardest goodbyes I've ever had to say.  It's a bit emotional going through something like this.  When you are going through it, time seems to go pretty slow, but when you come to the end of things, you realize how quickly it all passed.  I have had some incredible experiences and challenges throughout this whole time that has led to a lot of growth in my life.  I was asked this question earlier this week that really got me thinking - what have I learned?  Well, I've learned a lot of things.  I've learned more about how to pray, to hear God's voice even more, to worship, to lead, to love, to be loved, to sing, to obey, to be.  I know those are pretty general things but they encompass quite a lot.  I know that this experience is something I will continue to learn from a long time from now.

So what's this next thing that's happening?  Well, I'm going on another crazy adventure.  

I'm going to be staffing another DTS this September - on a ship called The Next Wave.  Yes.

I know that this is really where God wants me to be and what He wants me to be doing.  When I was there visiting this past April (see previous post here) I loved it.  It was when I was on the ship one night as I was going to sleep that I felt that God said 2 big things to me - "I want you to dream".  Then He asked me the simple question - "Why not staff the September school?"  When posed with this question, I assumed it would be for the school in Harpenden.  However, a little over a week later, I was asked to pray about and consider staffing the DTS on the Next Wave in September.  So I prayed about it, and really did feel that it was what God wanted me to do.  So I said yes.  And here I am, just over a month away from packing up my life here in Harpenden and moving it to a ship.  Who does this?

When deciding to do this, I wanted to be sure that I was going for the right reasons.  I didn't want to go just to go because it would be fun and a cool experience but I want to go with a purpose, I want to be able to bring something with me.  So I did the simple thing and asked God what I could bring.  So this is what I want to bring - I want to be a part of helping people see more of who they are and the possibilities that are open to them.  I want to help them step into that by creating and encouraging this place for them to do that.  I feel that that is a journey that I've been on and am still on of being who God has created me to me.  I think it's so important to have people alongside you doing just that - challenging and encouraging you to see passed the right now and to see these possibilities of who God created us to be and hope for that.  I feel like this is also something that I will myself be challenged by and I'm really excited about it.

I also feel that another thing that I can bring to this is worship.  One Sunday morning this past summer I was leading worship at a church and I felt something shift in my voice.  Something in it changed.  It's hard to explain but as I was singing, I realized that something was different, something was working better than it ever had.  That was definitely God.  There was a moment during one of the worship times here that I had a quick passing thought that maybe I could bring worship to the boat and later I had a bit of a revelation about it (as you can read here).  I realized that not only can I bring worship through the music itself, but also just in the way I live my life.

It's scary and it's a huge change and a huge risk but I know that it is going to be such an incredible time.   I have had such amazing experiences and I know that I have learned and grown in so many ways and have developed such incredible relationships with incredible people.  It's going to be sad to finish this but I'm excited for what's to come.

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philipians 1:6

   

Our Melodies

You know those songs that when you hear it, it evokes a certain emotion that the moment you hear it, you are reminded of that certain something?  Like with so many songs that are tied to certain people, places, experiences, memories, emotions, struggles, victories...you can't help but be taken back to that emotion.  I have several at the moment.  One being "Take Heart":

From the very first seconds of the melody of this song, I am completely overwhelmed by such a loving and calming and at rest feeling.  It's hard to describe.  It's not just because of the words of the songs - yes they are really great and mean so much, but there are also memories tied with this song that add to that emotion.  

So these songs, these melodies, they mean something to us and make us feel something special.

What if it's the same with God?

What if our song evoked that same emotion, that same feeling in God?

What if our song gave God that same experience?

What if that was what our worship to God was?

The song, the melody we bring to God, the lives we live, the way we laugh, the way we run, the way we enjoy life, the way be play, the way we sing, even the way we struggle; each has that place in God's heart and reminds Him of something in us that He created.

I can live my life knowing that I am loved.  Everyday I can say that, even on my darkest, ugliest days - I am loved and have done nothing to earn or deserve it. When Jesus was baptized, God said, "This is my son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased."  God said this before Jesus even began any of His ministry, before He did anything.  He just was.  

So how does this relate to worship?  I can worship, sing, dance, live...knowing that God delights in my singing, He delights in me.  There is a really great message from Jonathan David Helser called 'Worship Echos" which he begins by saying "Worship is giving back to God what He first gave to us." He gave you a voice, He gave you movement, he gave you a song to sing and He delights in you when you give that back to Him.  He delights when you sing Him your song.  Our worship can come from a place of wanting to bring delight to the Father.  It starts with knowing - I know that my song delights the Lord.  I have done nothing to earn or deserve it and I don't need to strive to perform in order to make God happy.  I just need to be and He delights in that and it is out of being that I can do.

What you have revelation of, you are responsible for.  

   

Free Prayer

Fun fact: The 2012 Olympics were in London this year.  And that's where I was! So crazy. For a week, I was in London with half of the DTS working with a church in East London which was just a 30 minute walk away from the Olympic Stadium in Stratford.  It's pretty crazy to go from watching the opening ceremonies (LIVE I might add) one night to walking right next to it the next.  (Seeing the US Olympic athletics team was pretty sweet too.)  But it was so great to be working with this church as they were running a cafe which had the Olympics up on a big screen open to the community.  So we went out inviting people and just simply talking to people.  We also had the chance to go into Stratford a few times to talk to and pray for people.  That was quite the experience as there were a lot of other religions and beliefs right on the doorstep as well.

I'll share just one quick story from that experience - When we first got there to Stratford, I felt that God wanted me to hold up a sign that said 'Free Prayer'.  So I held it up, which took a lot of courage in me, I was definitely nervous about it.  After 2 difficult rejections, I held it up for the 3rd time and almost immediately a man walked over who was actually passing out flyers for Islam.  He then went on to telling us exactly what the Gospel message was to us.  He told us that he knows the Gospel, he knows God, he studied to be a pastor, but everything was taken away from him.  (This is the very short version, we were talking to him for over an hour).  Just 2 days before we talked to him, he turned his back on God.  So we got to pray for him and encourage him that God still loves him and wants him back.  Again, there's a lot more to it but it was just in simple obedience that God was able to use us to help lead this man back to God.

Working with the cafe was so great as well.  It was so cool to see it grow throughout the week from just a couple people to having so many kids and parents and others coming and enjoying being there.  It would not have been the success that it was without us being there to help bring people in.  The church is hoping to open up a permanent cafe at the church and these weeks opened up the door for them to do that.  There are so many stories of how we were able to love and be a blessing to the people in the community.

It was such an incredible week and I was sad to leave.  The people at this church were amazing and they had such a heart for community and family which is something that I really love and was so encouraging to see.  It was so great and I felt that my heart was in the right place to be doing what we were doing.  I was striving to perform for perfection but I had that desire to simply see and know this love that changes hearts and I saw it.