First Watch

Don't give up on the first watch.

Here's how it goes:
Alarm goes off at 7:20.
I hit snooze a couple times then slowly use all of my core muscles to hoist myself out of bed on a rocking boat.
I put on my spectacular brightly colored green waterproof trousers and my wellies.  (Kellie's Wellies...)
I put those essential pieces in my eyes so I can see the world.
I grab my coat and go.
Next, I fill a little green plastic cup with corn flakes and mix in some delicious homemade apple sauce (with just a touch of bourbon cooked in for added flavor...) for breakfast.
Then it's up the stairs to the wheelhouse.

The watch gets passed over to me, I check the sails, check the course, and we pray and it begins.

But then comes the feeling that no one enjoys - seasickness.  A feeling that I am coming to know a bit more than I would have ever cared for.  It affects you in every possible way.  It's a hard feeling to describe to those who have not experienced it in full effect but it's not so much fun.

I race to the rail outside and hang out over the side with some not so nice things coming back up through my system.  There goes dinner.  I like to keep my peas inside my stomach, thank you very much.

I come back in, quite a bit more refreshed (again, it's a feeling that is so very difficult to explain...), then I grab a piece of toast to fill my stomach up again.  But then the thought that is always circulating through the back of my mind surfaces yet again and I think to myself...

I.  CAN'T.  DO.  THIS.

I don't know what I'm doing.
Or why I'm doing it.
Or how to do it.
I don't want to do this.

It's hard.

Very hard.

Every day is a challenge.

But it's just the first watch.

There will be another one in 8 hours time.  Then another one.  Then another.  And when you're on a 4, 5, or 7 day sail, there's many more 'anothers' to come.

So what does one do in the midst of that?
In the midst of a storm that you have no control over?
In the midst of a squall coming and blowing the sail so hard a line snaps?
In the midst of not being able to walk in a straight line for a week?
In the midst of constantly yelling at your stomach to feel better?
In the midst of the not knowing?

You don't give up.

You keep pushing through because there's another watch to come.  There are sails to raise and lower and adjust, there is a course to keep to.

If you give up on the first watch, you miss the dolphins jumping outside, you miss the sunrises and sunsets, you miss watching the stars and knowing their names, you miss the bonding that comes from hanging over the side of a ship with someone, you miss the laughs and conversations and 'Would You Rathers' with the others with you, you miss the adventure, you miss working hard and accomplishing a task, you miss the beauty of the moon and its light reflecting on the water.

You miss seeing God in the journey.

I don't want to miss that.

This is just the first watch and I'm not going to give up now.