Thoughts On Leaving Pt. 2

We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ.  It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own.  Our qualification comes from God.

~2 Corinthians 3:4-5

Today was a good day.

Around 12:05 this afternoon (exactly - I checked my clock), after having a delicious bowl of oatmeal, I left my house to head to the YWAM base in San Francisco, as has been my routine each Monday for the past month.  (More on that in a bit).  On my drive to the city I started thinking about the fact that I am going to be DTS Staff at YWAM Harpenden for the January 2012 IMPACT UK DTS.  (I think about that a lot.)  That's a big title, in my opinion, and at times, a bit frightening.  I feel that with a title like that, so much expectation is thrown onto me and I automatically have to be this amazing person with a huge vision of what I want to see happen in this world.  The truth is, right now, I'm not.

But that's ok.

I'm broken, I'm a mess, I'm not perfect, I stumble, I'm weak, I fail, I don't have all the answers, I have so many fears, so many doubts, so many insecurities...

I seem to constantly question what in the world I'm doing going back as staff with YWAM.  I question what my role will be, how I will fit into the staff already there, what part I will play in the lives of the people I will meet and so on.  To sum up - I feel I am no where near qualified to be in the position I'm going into.  But those things shouldn't matter.  What matters is the purpose of it all.  'To know God and make Him known'.  To show people that they don't have to be perfect in order to be loved by this incredible God.  They already are.

Here is the amazing thing: God sees passed all my weaknesses to the person that I really am, the person He has created me to be.  And He wants to use me, all of me, even the weak parts, to reach out to those in need.  And I know that He has brought me to this particular place for a reason and I can't wait to see what that will be.

"Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure, Miriam was a gossip, Martha was a worrier, Thomas was a doubter, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Abraham was old...and Lazarus was dead.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called." 

~Outlive Your Life - Max Lucado

On this drive to the city, I feel God showed me a little something of what my place could potentially be - I have a heart for really being there for people and supporting them in any way that I can and making sure they are ok.  That may seem small but for me, that's huge.  I know how much of an impact those people, those that were really there for me and invested so much of their lives into me, made on my life.  So I know the difference that can make.  And I feel that I am able in some way to help make that difference.  I'm not a big ideas person right now.  But I will give everything I am to be consistent in being there and supporting and serving in any way that I possibly can; whether it's the students or other staff or all the people we are going to meet on outreach.  It's through God's love and strength, and only that, which allows me to do this and gives me the desire to do this with my whole heart.  It's what I know how to do so I'm going to do it. 

God created me this way.  

It's not about me this time, it's about them and it's about God.  I see that a bit better this time. 

So going back to San Francisco today - For the last 4 Monday's, I've been giving manicures to women off the streets in The Tenderloin.  That's a sentence I never thought I would utter.  This is definitely one of those things that I am, under no circumstance whatsoever, qualified to be doing.  (I could hardly do my own nails let alone be responsible for making someone else's look nice).  But I'm doing it.  And it's not just about the nails, it's about the person who sits in front of me each time.  They each have a story.  And I have the chance to be a part of that story just by being there and talking to them and praying for them, and doing something small and simple to show that there is a God who loves them and sees them as beautiful.

So I say again:

We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ.  It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own.  Our qualification comes from God.

~2 Corinthians 3:4-5