Deeper Still Pt. 1

Here I sit

In this familiar place

In this familiar state

I've been here before

More times then I would like to count

Surroundings may be different

But inside

          It's the same

                          same

                               same.

Here I stand

In this familiar place

In this familiar state

A desire for more

Stronger than I have ever known

Every fiber of my being

It's screaming

          deeper

                deeper

                      deeper still.
  

Uncompacted Lightness

This poem expresses the entirety of this day.

London Snow by Robert Bridges

When men were all asleep the snow came flying,

In large white flakes falling on the city brown,

Stealthily and perpetually settling and loosely lying,

Hushing the latest traffic of the drowsy town;

Deadening, muffling, stifling its murmurs failing;

Lazily and incessantly floating down and down:

Silently sifting and veiling road, roof and railing;

Hiding difference, making unevenness even,

Into angles and crevices softly drifting and sailing.

All night it fell, and when full inches seven

It lay in the depth of its uncompacted lightness,

The clouds blew off from a high and frosty heaven;

And all woke earlier for the unaccustomed brightness

Of the winter dawning, the strange unheavenly glare:

The eye marvelled - marvelled at the dazzling whiteness;

The ear hearkened to the stillness of the solemn air;

No sound of wheel rumbling nor of foot falling,

And the busy morning cries came thin and spare.

Then boys I heard, as they went to school, calling,

They gathered up the crystal manna to freeze

Their tongues with tasting, their hands with snowballing;

Or rioted in a drift, plunging up to the knees;

Or peering up from under the white-mossed wonder!'

'O look at the trees!' they cried, 'O look at the trees!'

With lessened load a few carts creak and blunder,

Following along the white deserted way,

A country company long dispersed asunder:

When now already the sun, in pale display

Standing by Paul's high dome, spread forth below

His sparkling beams, and awoke the stir of the day.

For now doors open, and war is waged with the snow;

And trains of sombre men, past tale of number,

Tread long brown paths, as toward their toil they go:

But even for them awhile no cares encumber

Their minds diverted; the daily word is unspoken,

The daily thoughts of labour and sorrow slumber

At the sight of the beauty that greets them, for the charm they have broken.

Excitement could not be contained.

Well done.

   

In Pieces

GOD KNOWS HOW YOU DO YOUR PUZZLES.

~ Sidney Victoria Sawyer Noland

Every day, Lucy and I work on putting together a puzzle at meal times in BBHall.  It's kind of our thing.  Sometimes, well, most times, we stay for hours after dinner just sitting at the table looking at hundreds of pieces trying to figure it out.  Once you start, you just can't stop.

Lucy and I do puzzles quite differently.  We both have the same general idea - do the outside edge first then you can start on the inside.  But the way our minds work in how we go about doing this is very different.  Both effective and get the job done, just different.

Lucy is good at picking up a piece, looking at the big picture and finding exactly where that piece should go.  She will take the time to finish one aspect of the puzzle - like on our current puzzle, the cheese knife on the bottom right or the wine bottle label.  There always seems to be just that one piece that she is specifically looking for and it's such a joy when she finally finds it and that part is completed.  

I, on the other hand, will have a number of pieces in front of me, all with something in common - like a certain color or a certain design.  I might glance once or twice at the big picture to have some kind of general idea where these pieces might go but it doesn't help me too much.  I will take these similar looking pieces and look only at them until I have put them together.  I'll sometimes have multiple sections and when I can finally connect them all, I am able to see what these pieces actually make when they are in place.  It's such a joy when that is completed.

One night as we were working on this puzzle, I said to Lucy,

"I do this so much better when I have no idea what I'm doing."

Story of my life.

Putting together a puzzle is a process.  Sometimes, well, most times, a very long process requiring patience and a desire to work at it and trust that you will see the end result.  As I have most likely said countless times, pretty much everything in my life is a process.  I don't always know where all the pieces go or what the picture will look like in the end.  But there I sit.  Night after night.  Connecting these pieces.  Waiting in anticipation to put the final piece in.

I am 100% confident in the way I do puzzles.  The method I use works for me.  The method Lucy uses works for her.  I could try her method and she could try mine but at the end of the day, we both know what works best for us.  God knows how we do puzzles because He wired us that way.  

What would it be like if I could be this confident in the way God speaks to me and the way I live my life?  

God speaks differently to each person.  He is so creative that each of us hear and comprehend and take action in all different ways which He has created specifically in us.  

 For some, God speaks so clearly and directly.

Some, in scripture.

Some, in songs.

 For others, in questions.  

For me:

in pieces.

   

    

Looking Back and New Beginnings.

Well done Week 1.  What a week.

I'll begin with the end.

Materials - Canvas, Glue, Crayons, Hair Dryer:

This is what me and my fellow staff member and friend, Jaime, did this afternoon.  

It was great.

It now has a home hanging up in my room.

Well, the first official week of the Impact UK DTS has finished.  All of the trainees are finally here and getting to know each other and it's so great to see.  This past week has simply been a lot of orientation to everything - the oval, the town, DTS in general and each other.

This week has been pretty crazy for so many reasons.  One reason being the fact that this time, exactly one year ago, I was in these trainees' exact place.  This place of coming to a new environment with so many new faces not really knowing what's to come but being excited for it all.  I remembered all that I was feeling and what I was thinking as all these new things kept coming at me.  I thought back to where I was just one year ago and what God was doing in my heart and my life then and looking at where He has brought me to now.  It's pretty incredible.  It made me realize yet again how much happened in 2011.  I grew in so many ways, made so many new and unexpected friendships and did so many new things I never thought I could do.  God kept His promise to me at the very first community meeting here - giving me new life.  This is certainly new.

I think I'm going to learn a lot during these next 8 months.  Correction - I KNOW I'm going to learn a lot during these next 8 months.  There are so many areas that I need to grow in and I'm ready for it.  And I know it's going to be a lot of work.  In a nutshell - lots of meetings, lots of tea breaks consisting of tea, coffee, biscuits and a new addition - FRUIT!  We have Basic Leadership School (BLS) once a week - it's just as it sounds.  There will be lots of meal preparing and cleaning up after meals.  Those are fun.  I will be co-leading a small group with a few girls which will meet once a week.  These small groups are a good space for the girls to really get to know each other on a deeper level and help them to process the week's teaching a bit more.  I will also be a one-on-one for one of the girls.  This one-on-one relationship is really important to me.  A 1-1 is someone the trainee has to go to once a week just talk and just have someone really there for them.  I know how much of an impact my 1-1 made on me during my DTS so I take this very seriously and I'm excited to be that for someone and really be able to invest in them and go with them through this process.  There will also be lots of community time and worship and local Evangelism and so many other things.

That's just a small glimpse into life here as staff.  There's more to tell, but it can wait.

I never in my wildest dreams could have ever imagined that I would be living in England doing what I'm doing.  I absolutely love it.  I absolutely love all the staff that I am so incredibly blessed to be working with every day.  They are all so great and I am constantly reminded of that every single day.  I have such a great room and an amazing roommate.  I live in a ridiculously beautiful place.  There are so many incredible opportunities ahead of me.  Needless to say - I'm looking forward to this.

I love that I'm here and that I'm doing this.  I know it's going to be hard and it's going to challenge me in so many ways - challenge my thinking, my heart, my comfort zone, and so many other things.  But I think I'm ready for this challenge and I'm so excited to see what God does in me and through me throughout these 8 months.

So begins Week 2....

 

So It Begins

Impact UK DTS 

January 2012

Begins tomorrow.

How did I get to this point?

I don't know.

 But I love that I did.

God is good.

Here we go.

   

Today, Tomorrow and The Next Day

All the times you showed me grace - how vast the sum of them.

As 2011 came to a close I, like most people, took a second to look back at what this past year has been.  2011 was a year of the unimaginable becoming reality.  My life has completely changed this year.  Here I am, living in England with so many amazing people new to my life about to embark upon yet another life changing year.  2012 has a lot to live up to but I'm ready and excited for what it will bring.  It is sure to be incredible.

The other day I took looking back at this year a bit further.  I was doing this thing where I sit and listen to music (in this case Ascend the Hill) and write whatever comes to mind and just let my stream of consciousness flow and that the words I wrote down would flow from my heart.  So I began with the first thing that popped into my head -

All the times you showed me grace - how vast the sum of them.  

I don't deserve this grace but You have freely given it.

Towards the end of this stream of consciousness, I basically asked that God would show me more of who He is today, tomorrow and the next day.  He answered right in that moment.  I realized that He has always been with me.  I know I have heard that countless times but it really hit me in this moment.  I thought back to that shy little 7th grader with glasses and braces who wouldn't say a word to anyone and was in the very beginnings of this incredible relationship with a God who simply loved me.  He was there throughout Jr High and high school on each trip I went on with church, in those moments during worship nights when I would just cry, in my little acts of service, in those simple moments driving in my car when I felt a joy I couldn't contain or explain.  He was there through every bit of it and what's even more amazing is that He is still very much here with me and always will be.  My life has always been in His hands.  He never changes but He is right there at every twist and turn changing me into the person He has created me to be.

I did this stream of consciousness 3 days ago, and God answered my prayer by showing me more of who He is today, tomorrow and the next day - 3 days.  Each day, something new and each new something makes me long for more.

I am so excited to see what this year brings.  I can try to think and plan what I think will or should happen this year, but I know that I can't begin to imagine what God can.  This year is in God's hands and I think He will once again make the unimaginable become reality and surprise us all with what He wants to do in our lives when we let Him.

All the times you showed me grace - how vast the sum of them.

  

Words For Today Pt. 3

Worship is giving back to God what He first gave to us.

He has the hands to shape the clay of her heart.

There is a space inside of me that had to be filled with the Father's voice.  Worship is this place... He tells us who we are and then we tell Him who He is.  Not that He needs to know it, but we need to hear it.  Why do we have to tell God in worship who He is, doesn't He already know that?  Maybe it's so we can hear it and start believing it.

To magnify something is not just to make it seem bigger but it's to see something as it really is.

You begin to discover who you are when you discover who He is.  

~ Jonathan David Helser

   

A Momentum Occasion.

Christmas on the Oval.

CHRISTMAS EVE
There were 6 of us, (myself, Tina, Margaux, Jade, Tom and Caleb) that came together for a delicious meal on Christmas Eve.  After that, we made homemade stockings.  These weren't just any ordinary Christmas stockings - they were a combination of Make-Your-Own Stockings from a great place called Poundland (the English version of the Dollar Store), puffy stickers, a sheet and staples:

Once those were all finished, and we were stuffed on delicious made-from-scratch Christmas cookies (made by me and Jade), we decided to play a fantastic charades type game which included slips of paper, a timer, and a sheet (We used every part of that sheet):

After that craziness we decided to settle down a bit and turn on a movie - The Muppet Christmas Carol - and make Christmas cards for each other.

CHRISTMAS DAY!
My day started off on the right foot.  I got up and went for a run through my favorite running place - The Nickey Line (see previous post).  It was a bit muddy but such a beautiful morning and a great way to begin the day.

Then came a lovingly made breakfast comprised of mini pancakes (the American kind...), eggs (not for me), sausages, croissants, and of course - scones.

Yes, that would be me in the Santa suit.  I didn't have a Christmas sweater so I chose the next best thing.

Presents!  We opened up our stockings and the little gifts we got for each other.  It was nice.

Later that evening, Tina and I began preparations for our Christmas dinner.  Now even though there was no Honeybaked Ham involved (as is my usual Christmas tradition), our food was sooo tasty.  We made turkey, potatoes (mashed and roasted), cabbage, peas, and Yorkshire Puddings with gravy.  We were proud of our accomplishments.  It was a first for both of us to cook an entire Christmas dinner.  My mother would be proud.

After we were all stuffed, came a few games around the table, a fruit cake of sorts and mulled wine.  (I tried it however, I still have not acquired a taste for wine, but I'm not too upset about that.).

So there you have it.  My first Christmas in my home away from home.  All you family and friends across the pond - you were missed.  But I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to share this day with 5 other incredible people.  It was grand.

 Note: Photo Credit - Caleb McAlpine - Thank you for taking such awesome pictures and sharing them with me.

Sheep, Baby Jesus, Star, Glowsticks

I Only Like Hippopotamuseses